Feather #10
Where I tell you something quite important about myself.
Ok, this one might be a bit atypical. In the sense that this one is a little bit more about me than the usual. And that’s because after a great deal of overthinking, finally I am ready to share something with the world.
And that something is, put in very simple words, that I am non binary and my pronouns are He/they.
Now, I think some clarifications are due. Especially because overthinking.
What does it mean?
So, yes, why non binary and what does it mean to me? To put it simply, I have never completely identified with the masculine gender, with what it is expected from a man and in general I feel I have a strong connection with traits that are more usually associated to the feminine. So the first exercise was to try and think, well, if I have to put myself in a spectrum, where would I be? So, that’s the answer:
The rest has been just a journey of reading, talking to people and thinking about my past. There are so many episode that make so much more sense to me if I think about myself in this way. For now non binary and genderqueer are the only labels that I wish to embrace. Which brings me to the next part.
Are you changing something about yourself?
Well, not much I guess. Lately I have been quite comfortable in my skin and I have been expressing who I am in a clearer and more true to me way across at least the last five years (and possibly even before). So some people might be curious about why to choose a label and certain pronouns if all in all I am ok with myself.
I just realised that not doing it prevents me to embrace myself completely. As soon as I started accepting the idea and making the actual decision I understood how now there is a part of me which feels more accepted, more understood and more free to express itself. And it’s a really empowering feeling because it makes me think about myself more as a whole person, if that makes sense. So, there you go. You will get an even purer version of me, if anything.
Same thing in the physical and gender expression department. I will keep using tha same style in clothing, which I find myself comfortable in and I will keep paying attention to what I wear. I love doing it. My way of presenting myself will stay rather masculine. Occasionally you might see me wearing light makeup (especially eyeliner), but again, not something new if you know me. Painting my nails will probably intensify because I find it really cool and I really enjoy it.
So, He or They?
Well, both will go for me. As much as I know I am non binary my prevailing identity is still masculine, so no problem for me if you want to use he. Also, because of the fact I’m Italian and our language is still in the phase of finding a way to neutral pronouns, if you are Italian, by all means use masculine declinations. It’s ok.
However, and this is a bit more important to me, I realized I feel a slight discomfort when I’m referred as a “man”. In this case I would prefer you to refer to me as a person, it just makes more sense to me.
As for my name, I would keep pushing on being called Fede, which at this point is just perfect for how I feel. When I moved to the UK I started going by Fede almost immediately. It was because I thought it’s easier for people here to pronounce my full name. But subconsciously I think I like Fede more than Federico because it’s a way to make my name non gendered.
So, there you have it. I know, it’s been a bit long but if you had the patience of reading through, I’m grateful. It’s something I feel it’s really important to me. And I needed to share it.
😻 Want to play
You know I am opinionated. Especially about two topics: games and cats. So, it’s not a mystery, if you have met me, that I have been really disappointed by Stray, an upcoming PS5 game about a cat, which seemed to be cool until it showed a shooter section with the cat spewing lasers at very generic enemies. It put me off because come on, that’s not at all about being a cat. Why big games always need to justify themselves?
Anyway, look at this other cat game instead!
THIS is what being a cat is all about. No lasers. Cat’s don’t need them, because they are inherently cool. Also, cats don’t shoot lasers, they chase lasers. Anyway, wishlist this on Steam, I want to play it soon!
🕹 Play this
Nathan, one of the students of the introduction to game design short course has made a beautiful Bitsy game inspired by The Yellow Wallpaper, a horror short story by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Go play it (and, yes, Bitsy games are real games and awesome, I mean, look at that, so cool). Find Nathan on Twitter, he’s really good.
The game is here.
📖 Something to read
How to understand your gender, by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker (here)
Quite obviously, something about gender. This book has helped me understand my identity and all the implications. It’s a very light, very sweet book which you should read no matter what your ideas and perceptions around gender are. It’s just a good book.
🎁 Wrapping up
If you’re arrived all the way to here, well done! I had quite a lot to write this time. And I think I won’t publish anything new until the new year. So enjoy the festive mood, wear nice sweaters and just be. See you very soon, my friends ❤